THE PASTOR’S HELPMEET
Rev Dr Timothy Tow
Inasmuch as men solely taught of God, not of men, are rare like the Morning Star, St Paul is at the head of the list, he is also unique in being single throughout his service of the Lord. This suited the nature of his relentless ministry as the vanguard of the new Christian movement sweeping through a heathenistic world now prepared for the Gospel seed. A modern St Paul who ranged from South to North China into Manchuria single-handedly is William Chalmers Burns, whom Bible-Presbyterians today acknowledge to be their spiritual ancestor.
While Paul remained single for the Gospel’s sake (Matt 19:12), some think he was a widower, he respected his colleague Peter in being accompanied by his wife, and not only Peter, but other apostles also, in their respective ministries (1 Cor 9:5). In fact, Paul instructs Timothy in the matter of installing a bishop (elder, pastor) to require such to be blamelessly married (1 Tim 3:2) as of first importance. Thus, it has become a standing rule in the Bible-Presbyterian Church not to ordain a man until he is settled down. For, as the Chinese saying goes, when they congratulate a man at his wedding, “he is a family man, he is now established.” In the ministry over the flock, a pastor is ten-fold enhanced in his work when he has a good helpmeet. (This is in contradistinction to the Popish system of imposing celibacy on the clergy.)
Marriage is ordained of God. The first couple was married in Paradise (Garden of Eden) where no sin was, and God Himself solemnised the ceremony. Thus the Apostle to the Hebrews declares, “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled” (Heb 13:4).
Marriage is a multi-mysterious mystery. For some, it comes too suddenly like an unexpected arrow in what is called love at first sight. That happened to Boaz. Read Ruth 2:4-16 and it will thrill you to know how love for Ruth opened like a flower in bloom in the kinsman’s heart. And if you want to know how the romance came to full bloom read the remaining chapters!
Marriage is a multi-mysterious mystery. For others, it could be a far-searching expedition as in the case of Abraham’s son Isaac. This is more so for a single woman, standing forlorn against the river of time, ever rolling on. Perhaps, it is not God’s will for you to marry (Read 1 Corinthians 7:7,8). Hail to the single women missionaries serving in many a lonely outpost where men have feared to advance.
“But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn” (1 Cor 7:9). But if no life partner is forthcoming, what is the solution? We do not recommend starting a marriage bureau in the church. But we have innumerable fellowships by age groups in Life Church, from Young Teens to Youth Fellowship, to Young Adults Fellowship and Adults Fellowship. Nevertheless, let the younger Lifers join these age-groups because they have God uppermost in their heart: “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you” (Matt 6:33). The classic example of a devout heart given unto God which is rewarded doubly in holy matrimony is Ruth. Coming to church regularly to worship God is the condition for additional blessing from His hand, to fulfil the desires of your heart (Ps 37:4). And, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.” (Prov 18:22).
Let me discuss this most important question from my own experience. After Nancy Lan Yin was taken home by the Lord in a motor accident at the foot of Cameron Highlands in 1965, I began to receive phone calls from members and friends of the opposite sex. At first I did not catch the significance of such attention. Jehovah Jireh. He had one prepared to take Nancy’s place without my knowing it, like the ram caught in the thicket on Mount Moriah.
I had a question put to me innocently when Ivy entered FEBC: “Pastor, what can a girl like me do after I graduate from this College?” Answered I, “Well, if you do your duties properly, mopping the floor and polishing the Church furniture, God will use you in time to come.” How did I know I was to marry her one year and four months after Nancy’s death?
Indeed, the supportive role of a pastor’s wife in the matter of Church growth cannot be overemphasized. That one shall chase a thousand and two put ten thousand to flight applies particularly, from my experience, to the man-and-wife combination. As a pastor has to minister to more of the womenfolk than men in the church (it seems every church has more women than men), he will not be at ease in his church work without being “harnessed” (to say it sheepishly)!
But his wife should be similarly called to full-time service. If not, she should be heart and soul for her husband’s vocation and be willing to go with him in great and in small, through thick and thin. Fortunately for me, there is a full helpmeet in Ivy so that I am not only well taken care of in my daily necessities but also spiritually supported in my external work. Thus, whenever I travel there is her accompanying instant help for my needs, the more, in the changing circumstances away from home.
As the running of the day to day business and livelihood of Far Eastern Bible College needs the closest attention and utmost devotion, who could have shouldered this responsibility apart from the principal’s wife? Numerous cooks and kitchen helps have been employed, but finally the solution is one who serves not for pay, but for love of the Lord and His flock, with a motherly attention. And that one is the principal’s helpmate by God’s grace.
Apart from the College duties, as pastor’s wife, she is his PRO (Public Relations Officer) with ladies and girls when they come to the parsonage for help. A lover of children she has taken upon herself to train a children’s choir and leads them in regular Sunday worship. She is wise not to boss around over the ladies of the Church, but stands unobtrusively in the shadows. In playing second fiddle she adds that softer strain that harmonises more beautifully with the tune her husband sings (夫唱妇随) in the performance of the Lord’s work. She is an integral part of the growth of the church. After all that is said, she is also the perennial teacher of Elementary New Testament Greek, having learnt it well under Dr John Grauley, missionary teacher from the Independent Board for Presbyterian Foreign Missions, USA.
A pastor having married will necessarily beget children. It is best to let nature take its course, though modern science has given man to limit birth for economic reasons. Nevertheless let the firstfruits be reaped in the strength of youth, for children are a stabilising factor of the family. “Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man, so are children of the youth” (Ps 127:3,4).
A pastor’s wife has a greater duty than all other wives to bring up godly children. Everything that the pastor does is expected to be the paragon of the church. If the pastor’s wife has a job outside, it is my humble opinion that she resign from it. Her family is her first job and the supplementary role she plays to the pastor in the multifarious functions in the church is her second job. In the generation before us, I never heard of a pastor’s wife going to work in an office or taking some other outside work, A pastor’s wife, however, can take on some church work such as teaching kindergarten. This is good economic arrangement. Having more time on hand to bring up children in the fear of the Lord, we believe this will lead to bringing up a godly family to God’s glory.
Though the pastor’s wife is his better half and there is no veil of secrecy that separates the two, for they are one flesh, yet in the service of God, the pastor must adhere strictly to his “professional” trust. He is a counsellor to his flock. What is confided in him by his sheep and lambs cannot be divulged. There is a Chinese saying, “When a word is uttered, even four horses cannot retrieve it.” What folly then to say to one you should not confide, even the pastor’s wife, “Only you I tell this secret. Keep it to yourself.” An uttered secret is no more secret. There is an English saying, “Pitchers have ears, and there are many servants.”
When God has a word to His servant to be carried out, let it be consummated at the earliest moment. Neither let him tell his wife when he says “good-bye” before going on his mission. Thus when Abraham was told to bring Isaac to Mount Moriah for sacrifice, the old man said not a word to Sarah. A wife is a wonderful support to her husband. In this case it could be a grave hindrance.
In giving to the Lord, “let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth” (Matt 6:3). If the wife tends to be a stumbling block to the husband’s giving, then let them keep separate accounts. This will save unnecessary bickering. Wonderful it is where the wife instead of diminishing the husband’s giving will rather add to it. What a Priscilla is found for an Aquila! “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is above rubies… Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: But a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.” (Prov 31:10,30).
[Source: Timothy Tow, Forty Years on the Road to Church Growth, pp33-39.]
