A HAPPY MARRIAGE
How to have a happy, healthy, harmonious married life? God tells us how in Genesis 2:18 when He said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” It is vital to understand what the role of man is in the family and why God made the woman for the man. Many marriages break down because people reject their God given roles as husband and wife. Take note of these three principles:
Husband the Leader, Wife the Helper
The husband is the leader and the wife is the helper. The best partner and helper the man can have is the woman. The woman is not man-made but God-made. Our God is perfect Maker and Matchmaker. “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above” (Jas 1:17). Proverbs 18:22 says, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.” As such the husband should regard his wife as someone very important and very precious. She is going to help him be the spiritual leader God meant him to be.
God has conferred authority upon the man to lead. As Christ has authority over the Church, the man has authority over his wife 1 Corinthians 11:3–10 says, “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man … For this cause ought the woman to have power [i.e., authority] on her head.” 1 Timothy 2:12–13 says, “But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve.” When the Bible forbids a woman to teach, that does not mean she does not or cannot teach in any and every situation. We know that the Bible commands the older women to teach the younger women, and mothers are required to teach their children (Tit 2:3–5). The teaching prohibition here has to do with authoritative teaching that comes from a divinely ordained ministry given to the man by God whether it be at home or in the church (cf. 1 Tim 2:7).
Let me comment on this well-known saying, “Behind every great man is a great woman.” The success of a man can often be attributed to a capable and helpful woman behind him. That is why Proverbs 18:22 says, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.” Herein is the wisdom of God, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” (Gen 2:18).
Why is it not good that man should be alone? The answer comes from Solomon, “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” (Eccl 4:9–12).
When God said He will make a “help meet” for Adam, what did He mean? The word “help meet” comes from the Hebrew ezer which has the idea of “surround”—a helper surrounds to protect, to assist, to support. In this case, the help comes from a wife who helps her husband start a family, be his supportive companion, assist him in his God-given role as head or leader of his house or community (cf Prov 31:10–12, 20).
In light of Genesis 2:18, it can be said that “The woman can live without a man, but the man cannot live without a woman.” It is thus no surprise that the woman generally outlives the man. TIME Magazine in a February 27, 2019 report said, “The numbers don’t lie: women tend to live longer than men. The average American man will live to age 76, according to the latest CDC figures, while the average woman in America will live to age 81. And a woman’s extra years tend to be healthy ones…. This male-female lifespan gap is not a new phenomenon; experts have known about it for decades…. [and] is true for all societies.” That the woman can live longer and stay healthier than the man is the Creator’s doing—she may be deemed the “stronger” sex.
Husband the Provider,
Wife the Homemaker
The husband is the provider and the wife the homemaker. If the man is the leader, then he must also be the provider. The head of the house must work hard to provide for his family. This is taught in 1 Timothy 5:8, “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”
The duty of the woman as a wife and mother is to be the homemaker. This is taught in 1 Timothy 5:14, “I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.” Titus 2:5 calls on the young women “To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”
When the children come, parents should do their best to teach their children. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” The father teaches, but the mother teaches even more since she is there in the house fulltime, to “guide the house” and is the “keeper at home.” Do not despise this good work of being a full-time mother and teacher at home. Proverbs 31:27–28 promises a blessing for full-time homemakers, “She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.”
Husband the Lover,
Wife the Follower
Husband is the lover and wife the follower. Husbands are commanded to love their wives. Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” Verse 28 says, “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.” Adam said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh” (Gen 2:23). It is to the man’s benefit if he takes good care of his wife. The love the man must have for his wife must be total, 100%. That was how Christ loved His Church—He gave His life for her. Likewise the husband must love his wife that much—he must be willing to lay down his life for her. When a man loves his wife this way, he will keep himself from committing adultery and will not think of divorce.
Wives are commanded to submit to their husbands. Ephesians 5:22 says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” The submission entails obedience. Consider what 1 Peter 3:5–6 says, “For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.”
The wife’s attitude towards her husband must be one of deep respect. Respect him and the decisions he will make. This does not mean the wife cannot express her thoughts and feelings, but she should let him have the final say. If a decision is not contrary to Scripture or ethics, submit to him, and let him take the lead. He is ultimately responsible and accountable to Christ. Christ is his Head and Christ will lead and guide him. She follows him because he follows Christ. This is the biblical pattern that makes for a happy marriage.
Sad Case: Wise Wife,
but Foolish Husband
“Behind every man, a woman.” “Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.” (Prov 14:1). Now the Bible also speaks of “silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts” (2 Tim 3:6). However, it must be said that there are equally foolish men who are full of sin and greed. Not all men and women are like that of course. There are foolish men who have the good fortune of having a wise wife and vice versa.
In 1 Samuel 25, we find a very rich man by the name of Nabal who owned 3000 sheep, 1000 goats, a whole lot of cattle and many other possessions. He lived in Israel during the time when David was running for his life because King Saul was pursuing him. Now, Nabal had a wife called Abigail. 1 Samuel 25:3 tells us that Abigail “was a woman of good understanding, and of a beautiful countenance” but Nabal “was churlish (ie mean-spirited) and evil in his doings.”
David who was living in the wilderness at that time showed kindness to Nabal by protecting his servants and sheep from robbers and bandits. Owing to David’s kind protection,
Nabal could live in peace and prosperity. But David and his men were living in poverty and danger. They were hiding in caves and had to hunt for their food.
During the summer, Nabal sheared his sheep and goats. After shearing the sheep and goats, there would be a time of celebration and feasting. David who was in great need at that time sent ten of his men to ask Nabal for some food. David told his men to bless Nabal and his house and to remind him how they had protected his servants and his sheep from being robbed or killed. Even when they were protecting Nabal and his servants and sheep, they did not take anything that belonged to him.
Nabal was very angry with such a request, and replied the men most rudely, “Who is David?… Shall I then take my bread, and my water, and my flesh that I have killed for my shearers, and give it unto men, whom I know not whence they be?” (1 Sam 25:10–11). With great disappointment, the men returned to David and told him what Nabal had said. David was justly indignant and called on 400 of his men to arm themselves to slay Nabal for his cruelty.
One of Nabal’s servants reported to Abigail what Nabal had said to David’s men. The servant also told Abigail how David’s men protected them day and night when they were shepherding the flock and were very friendly towards them. Abigail realising the great injustice and also the danger quickly loaded 200 loaves of bread, some raisins, cakes and wine onto some asses and hasted to meet and appease David. She did not tell her husband what she was about to do. That was very wise of her for her foolish husband would surely have stopped her.
When she met David, she fell on her face and bowed herself to the ground, pleading with David to spare the life of Nabal. She admitted that Nabal was truly a foolish man and he lived up to his name for that was what his name means. David praised the Lord for Abigail and thanked her for stopping him from taking vengeance on Nabal (cf Rom 12:19). David accepted the gifts of food from Abigail and sent her away in peace.
That night, Nabal had a lavish dinner for all his friends and the men who sheared his sheep. He partied away all night and got drunk, not knowing what his wife Abigail had done for she did not tell him. It was only in the morning when Nabal was sober and quiet that Abigail told him the whole story. When he heard that his goods had been given away, he suffered a stroke and was paralysed, for the Scripture says, “his heart died within him, and he became as a stone.” (1 Sam 25:37). Nabal should have been glad and grateful for the good things he has in life, but instead he was selfish, greedy, and mean. “And it came to pass about ten days after, that the LORD smote Nabal, that he died.” (1 Sam 25:38). This is just recompence, for the Lord has said, “To me belongeth vengeance, and recompence; their foot shall slide in due time: for the day of their calamity is at hand, and the things that shall come upon them make haste.” (Deut 32:35).
Do you have a wise wife? Better thank God for her and cherish her. Don’t be a foolish and churlish man like Nabal—so greedy and ungrateful. Be like David who was giving and forgiving. When we grab and grab, we will lose more and more. But when we give, we find ourselves blessed and happy. Hear what our Lord has said, “Give, and it shall be given unto you” (Luke 6:38). Here is wisdom, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” (Acts 20:35). JK
